Bonding Beyond Blood: Family, That Fights Together and Lives Together!
(Credits- Travel triangle)
* drumroll *
I have arrived !
This is Harshvardhan, the co-host of parents’ ki pathshala and this time instead of bugging Sachin and bullying other parents to do better, I decided I’d take away one edition of the newsletter and make it my own. While Bonani indulges more into building The Trumsy’s Parent community, I found this to be the perfect opportunity to squeeze my way in. And this time I would be talking about families on the international day of families.
*A random soft tone plays to increase the emotional connect between you and I*
(TVF)
Being a millennium baby, I was exposed to movies like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Hum Saath Saath Hain and other bollywood representations that were based on family values and would, in their own subtle ways, hummed the vices of nuclear families. While growing up in an Urban Delhi household in a nuclear family, I would always wonder how comforting must it be when you’re raised in a joint one. And often that bubble would pop when my friends would wail about the quarrels that’d erupt, other times I would find it hard to understand why almost every decision of theirs had to be coddled by the validation of everyone in the family.
In those moments I’d remember the autonomy that my family had in terms of making a decision and how it somewhere contributed to my confidence. But secretly I would wait for summer vacations and for my maternal side of the family to gather up at my naani’s house, to wait for my turn in the long queue to shower. Or to nap together in the living room with all the cousins or to run downstairs at dusk to corner a kulfi vala or to fly kites on the days when sun would be mercifully modest. All of this was not deemed as luxurious by my friends who would live in joint families. I guess that’s one of the perks of Joint families; the social connect and a very heightened sense of belongingness.
However, now that I notice, even the thought of living in a joint family seems repulsive in an inhibiting way. And as I navigate the ways of the infamous 20s and as the technology and GenZs take over, I wonder, would we become too layered to feel the caress of the joint families,would they become ancient? A legend? If yes, what sort of didacticism would they carry? Thankfully I had my answers in a good read by BBC titled Why Indians continue to live in joint families which would be the author’s choice for this issue. Read it here.
Upon reconnecting with those friends from the past over an easter lunch last month, I realized that we all could learn a thing or two from joint families about disconnecting from our tech and reconnecting with each other in a family. Here are 4 things you could try:
Cook together: Have a designated day or days when you all cook together. Come together as a family and enjoy the experience of cooking a meal from scratch. Embrace the joy of selecting fresh ingredients from local markets and involving everyone in tasks like chopping vegetables and cooking the dishes. As you work side by side, you'll not only strengthen your family bonds but also have the opportunity to share and learn from each other's culinary expertise. The end result will be a delightful homemade meal that captures the authentic flavors and essence of your regional cuisine, bringing you all closer together in a truly special way.
Check out our recommended underrated dishes to try out from here
Story-telling or family history: Gather together as a family, creating a cozy space where cherished memories and captivating tales come to life. Take this opportunity to embark on a journey through your family's history, traditions, and experiences. As each member takes turns sharing their stories, a tapestry of rich cultural knowledge begins to unfold, weaving together the threads of your shared heritage. Through storytelling, you not only pass on valuable lessons and customs but also forge a stronger sense of identity.
Family DIY projects: Engage in family DIY projects that promote collaboration and skill-building. Choose a project such as building a birdhouse, setting up a home garden, or constructing a small furniture piece. Working together, you'll foster a sense of productivity and accomplishment. These hands-on activities offer valuable learning opportunities for everyone involved. Embrace the journey of creating something as a family, transforming your home while making lasting memories. Let the process be a source of connection and enjoyment, as you develop new skills and bond through shared achievements.
A day out: In summer heat? Yes. where? ✨A museum✨
Providing a refreshing escape from the summer heat while enjoying educational and interactive experiences as a family, Museums, Art Galleries and Nature Centres could be a great idea for a day out. Explore the captivating exhibits, engage with interactive displays, and immerse yourselves in the air-conditioned environment. These places offer a perfect blend of entertainment and learning, allowing you to discover the wonders of nature or delve into intriguing historical artifacts. As you explore together, you'll deepen your knowledge, spark curiosity, and create cherished memories in a cool and engaging setting.
As a queer person, family as a concept has been especially of interest to me. It's not uncommon for queer people to have cut ties with their families (either by choice, or by not). And many more than not find people they call chosen families. People who love and accept them for who they are. Outsiders, who are able to put themselves in their shoes, why? Because most probably they have walked in something similar. It makes me wonder if family is really about tags and labels? Is blood really thicker than water or if family is beyond that? What if family is about duties and roles and not about who takes them up? What if family is a place where compassion is extended from everyone and entwined intricately to create a mellow smelling bower. This mushy feeling that I feel right now (and try really hard for you to feel as well) takes me back to my memories of summer. When nothing was more soothing than nani ka ghar despite her mortal absence.
(credits- wonderful woman)
I wonder do queer people or anyone who is discarded from their own families ever feel that? An article that I read back in 2017 really resonates a ray of hope, maybe it could give a moment of vicarious glee. The article highlights how Gauri Sawant, a trans icon, plans for a grandma’s home for the kids of sex workers. Read the whole piece here.
As the hearing for same sex marriage legalization has ended and the judges deliberate amongst themselves, the queer people around the country and elsewhere find themselves on their toes. And as we stand at the possible dawn of a social reform and a major shift in parenting, family structure and gendered parenting roles, I find it all the more important for all of us to be at least talking about all the families that crush the conventional norms.
Here’s an article on unconventional families that has a special place in my heart; proving that families are all about love and care. Nothing more nothing less.
(source- wikimedia commons)
Well that's all folks! Unless I steal away another issue from Bonani, till then take care and love, the family you chose and the family you did not.